Internet

Addicted to Social Media and co.? How to Free Oneself

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In this video you will find my top Keys to overcoming internet/social media addiction.

19.11.2019

19.11.2019 Let’s talk about Internet addiction shall we?

This morning I checked my phone in bed. I have been checking in to Instagram for the past two weeks and finding myself less and less capable of feeling that I am doing this consciously. Within that habit comes sometimes the checking of my emails, which happened this morning and led me to think about work before I had even left the warmth of the night.
This impacts my relationship, as I later, while cuddling with my partner, would start thinking about that problem I needed to fix.
And this is only one of the many ways where Internet is not benefiting me and yet finds its way into my life.
I must admit that I haven’t fully figured out the solution yet. I tried the cold abstinence from social media for three weeks, and believing I was finally free I found myself re-addicted two weeks after I had allowed myself access to the sites again.
I think abstinence can be useful for some while have a go-go diet effect for others.

I don’t want to eradicate Youtube or Instagram, or my email account from my life as they can add a lot of value to it, yet I don’t want them to consume me ether.
There are days and weeks when I feel very free of my computer. I then believe it is all good, it’s gone, don’t need to worry about this coming up in my life again. But it does come back, as soon as external or internal circumstances allow it, I am pulled back into a vortex of screen consumption, astonished about its persistence. The Internet can be such a tempting way to escape reality.

There are days and weeks when I feel very free of my computer. I then believe it is all good, it’s gone, don’t need to worry about this coming up in my life again. But it does come back, as soon as external or internal circumstances allow it, I am pulled back into a vortex of screen consumption, astonished about its persistence. The Internet can be such a tempting way to escape reality.

When I think about the time I was bulimic and addicted (well, obsessed) with food, calories, my body’s weight, I couldn’t just stop.
That would work for a while and then come rolling back down my face. I could most of the times avoid purging, but overeating felt like an uncontrollable urge I just could not let go of. Too many rules or “diets”, even the ones that weren’t calorie restricted, would have me binging again in no time and I found myself giving up on the whole concept of self-discipline as it seemed like yet another attempt to gaslight myself.

It was interesting to me to also realize that, just as food is legally available, and comfort eating socially accepted, the Internet is a perfectly decent way to spend one’s time as well.
And nowadays, at least in the western cultures, it seems that the Internet has become as vital and substantial to our lives as the daily meals. Let’s also not forget that social media tools are specifically designed to make you spend time on them.

This is why I decided to apply what had helped me overcome my eating disorder to my Internet problematic.

To be continued tomorrow… 😀

20.11.2019

Further thoughts...

As I shared yesterday, I am currently regularly finding myself overindulging in the consumption of Internet in a way that is not serving me. Go check out my last post about Internet addiction. Today, I am diving into the solution that I will explore by first remembering what has truly helped me in the past when recovering from another addiction, an eating disorder.

The first step was to understand. By understanding why I was acting the way I was, I could acknowledge how the eating disorder had also served me and start forgiving myself. Letting go of guilt is a huge part of any healing process on my opinion.
I will diverge in that direction for a second (ok, ended up being more than a second)

Someone asked me after reading my last post if I was feeling hateful towards myself.
I don’t.
I love myself and I acknowledge that me watching series and Youtube is a coping mechanism.
Truth is, my life is pretty amazing. I go on adventures and am not following a laid-out structure.
And sometimes that can be scary as sh**. I know since yesterday in which places I am going to live next month, after that, no idea. No idea where money will come from, what my days are going to look like or even what continent I am going to live on.
It is not only the travels that bring up resistance, as I am stretching myself out of my comfort zone with my young business as well.
Some days I can fully surrender, relax in the uncertainty of life that reminds me that there isn’t really any future, that the only sure thing is the now, that constancy is an illusion.
And some times I want a little coat of control back, make up back up plans and watch the computer to escape in other realities that seem safer than my own.

I know the practices that help me feel so safe within myself that those worries evaporate like cotton candy clouds, yet I don’t always keep up good habits. You may or may not know this from your own life.
Sometimes it can almost feel too much to hold the intensity of the now, to feel myself growing and learning, sometimes I hit the stop button and disconnect for a while.
And it’s ok, I am not perfect (yet I am).
Coming back to the practices, letting go of the stop button, that can be difficult at times.

This post is becoming longer than I though, therefore I will share the rest tomorrow. Today was key number one: forgiveness/letting go of guilt through understanding and acknowledging our need to feel safe.

Feel free to comment and share! I would love to know: what is your stop button? The one that isn’t all conscious and spiritual (or doesn’t seem to be)
Much much love
Clara

22.11.2019

Continuing the Internet addiction Posts…

I am already feeling much freer than before, spending way less time on the computer to consume. Writing down my intentions, reasons and solutions with these Facebook posts really helped.

To deal with Internet addiction, I want to work with it by using the tools that have helped me in the past to overcome an eating disorder.
One very important thing I mentioned in my previous post is to let go of guilt.

Another is presence and awareness. For me, that includes journaling myself clean, getting all those thoughts and feelings onto paper, if possible before or after the behavior. Some incredible insights have opened themselves to me through writing.

A third key is embodiment. Feeling the body and being connected to my sexuality.
I now have more tools of embodiment than in the times I was recovering from the eating disorder and I intent to use those tools! They can be very helpful to not only reconnect to my core self but also to look at underlying beliefs and fears.
I might share some of those techniques in videos in the future.

One last important key component of healing has been to follow my heart. I know it sounds more cheesy than a Russian cheesecake but damn that one makes a big difference. If I am not living in alignment with my truth, my body and brain start going a bit crazy and it suddenly becomes much more appealing to distract myself from my life.

Here all of it in a Walnut shell: I commit to being as present as possible, to journaling before and/or after the behavior, to following my heart, to having helpful practices in my life to support my growth, but I also commit to letting go of the guilt related to the behavior.
“loving oneself” definitely includes “accepting” oneself.
Those behaviors are serving me in some ways at the moment and I can acknowledge my brain for using these systems and habits to make me feel safe. I also acknowledge that I still always have a choice.

I hope this was helpful to any of you, I find it important to share how even when we have lots of tools and have been on the growth path for a while, things can still get stuck. And that’s ok.
I will keep you updated on my journey, thank you for reading!

26.11.2019

The power of breath

breath,
sweet, delicious, ample breath. How could I forget?
How could I forget to really deeply connect with this constant stream of my life force incessantly moving in and out of my body?

These last few days I have re-immersed myself into breathwork. Sometimes adding it to my sensual practice, sometimes moving through traditional pranayamas, at times following long guided practices and sometimes simply inhaling deeply, without structure or intention besides connecting to my breath.

The benefits? Increased focus and mental clarity, feeling of spaciousness and safety within the body, boosted immunity, processing of emotions, increased confidence and joy, reduced stress… As I looked up breathwork on the internet, it seems to also be useful in overcoming addictions.
To me, it is like connecting to the wind and sun within myself. Breathwork creates warmth, light, space and movement. I love it.

If you are not already tasting the incredible powers of your breath, I highly recommend. It’s yummy, it’s free, and the cool thing is: you always have your lungs with you. So you have them right now. Which means you can do this:

  • Take a deep breath in your lower back and belly
  • Let that breath rise higher until it reaches your heart-space
  • Breathe out really slowly, deflating the chest down to the belly.
  • And repeat as often as you’d like!

For more Tips, watch my video

In this video you will find my top Keys to overcoming internet/social media addiction.

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