50 shades of grey

How to Kink for beginners

We’re going to talk about 50 Shades of Grey, and how you can take the juice out of it and put it into your bedroom.
Let’s invite kink, submissiveness, dominance and polarities in this article.

I have also created a digital guide that you can download where you’ll find more ideas on how you can add some kink into the bedroom.

The Video

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Polarity

Polarity is the base of the 50 Shades of Grey.

There is a submissive person and a dominant person.
The idea of submissiveness and dominance is that the submissive person can surrender, and the dominant person holds space. 

The dominant person actually creates the safety and the space to hold the other person and allow him or her to fully surrender. 

 

This actually only works if the person who surrenders really trusts the person who is dominant because otherwise she or he will not be able to fully let go of the control.

This is something that works between any genders, it doesn’t have to be exclusively between men and women and men are not automatically taking on the dominant role ether.  

 

Your 50 Shades Experience – Safe Word(s)

A very important aspect of kink is to have a safe word.
I personally find a sliding scale to be more helpful, so that there is also space for a “maybe”.

For example you might have a yellow, which we know from car driving.
“Yellow” means: “Oh you know, I think I need a little bit of a breather right now. I’m not sure if this is maybe too much or not.”
So when you say yellow, the other person knows “okay, maybe we slow down a little bit, kind of see what’s going on, or give this person a little bit more space to feel if this situation is a green or a red”
The red would be “no, this is too much/this is crossing a boundary”. 

Your 50 Shades Experience - Boundaries

I think personally that it’s super important to have a sense of your own body, your own boundaries and to have a good connection with yourself before you go into too deep of a kink.

You need to be able to feel for yourself if something is actually going over your boundaries and to be quick enough to be able to sense if it does and to voice it.
Don’t feel afraid to speak up and share your need. 

You 50 Shades Experience – The Games

As a dominant person, you can give orders to the other person. 
You can give her or him orders on 

  • whether or not that person can touch themselves 
  • can touch you 
  • should go into an edging so right before orgasm 
  • you can tell them they’re not allowed to orgasm right now
  • you can remove some of their senses: using ropes or a tie to remove the possibility for that person to use their hands, or you might also want to order them to not move or use their hands 
  • You can also order someone to remove their sight by closing their eyes, or you can use a blindfold
  • you can use spanking, tickling, pleasuring someone up to the edge of orgasm but then not letting them come…

Of course, different people feel attracted to different things. Some people do not like pain on their nipples and some people might like pain on nipples, for example. 
It’s a really good space to try out the things that you might have in the back of your mind.

Maybe there’s a role play you always wanted to try. 
Maybe there’s something that really turns you on.

 

It can be that your partner has a fantasy that is not attracting you, and that’s okay. There might be variations of that fantasy, which would feel good for both of you, and not every idea needs to be tried out in real life.
If you each give enough ideas, you will find something that both of you want to try out.

It doesn’t Need to Lead to Sex

Kink can be played in many different ways.
You might want some fantasies to stay foreplays and not be part of penetration.
Some things feel safe in certain situations and become overwhelming when you start having intercourse, trust your gut on this one.

Aso it’s great when foreplay becomes a main course of its own.

I want to remind you that you can find a free guide here for more ideas on what kind of games you can do.

I wish you a lot of fun 50 Shades of Grey-ing your bedroom!

 

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